I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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