my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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