we're chasing vodka with high fives
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
