Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
