What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
