Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You may now shotgun with the bride
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
