i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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