Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
