Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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