I'm jealous of your bromance
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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