Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
