1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dignity is for republicans.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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