Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
