no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
