I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
