I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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