Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
