my being single is dangerous.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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