She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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