i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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