The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
