is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
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