hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
