we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
