My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
