OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
