What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
