Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You've changed since you got that strap on
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
