i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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