who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
