He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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