My room smells like vodka and shame
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
