I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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