??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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