Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
