He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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