My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
