so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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