hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
where am i from again
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Randomize