Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
