I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
