eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
