Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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