every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
