When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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