Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
