I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Im part way to drunk.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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