We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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