this beer tastes like vomit already
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
