She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
