Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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