You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
