i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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