seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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