Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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