I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
its not stalking. its research.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
