i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
