you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
