Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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