there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
