Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
