dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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