sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
