hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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