I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
