Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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