so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
