we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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