What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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