I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
