So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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