I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
