i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
