I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
