I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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