I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
