YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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