i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
