Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
