I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
