I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
