Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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