She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize