what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
