The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
