So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
