OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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