I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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