at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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