Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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