You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
