We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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