lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
