Say something about gay babies.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize