He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
