ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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