I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
