Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
