if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
