Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
