My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
