if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
honey bunches of taint.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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