I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
