I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
