My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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