I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You can't special order awesome
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
