i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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