They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize